HEALTH WATCH
Give yourself permission to ask for help
by Craig Campbell, LISW, CCDC I
I have frequently heard people say that they would like to get help for their mental health or substance abuse problem, but they're afraid to talk about themselves to a therapist. The feelings these people have range from mild embarrassment, to shame, to intense fear over breaking a family code of silence or taboo.
For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families, we often learned early on that it was not okay to discuss "family business" with outsiders. The title of Claudia Black's book, Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel, says it all. The fact is, it is impossible to talk about yourself in any meaningful way without discussing the family system, as well as the socio-cultural system that you grew up in. Indeed, this second or "surrounding" social system also has an enormous influence on our self-image, our behavior, and our "world view.”
For gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals, this is the layer of sociological brainwashing that we are challenged to counter; that is, the multiple ways we are taught that we don't deserve to feel good about ourselves, that we are not worthy of help, and that we are unimportant and unlovable. I have even heard folks, supposedly in our corner, describe gays and lesbians in disparaging and over-generalized
ways.
To expect anyone to free themselves from this kind of lifelong, systematic conditioning on their own is like asking a fetus to deliver itself! I have gone through counseling myself and I still find that I have to "deconstruct" oppressive dogma that pops into my head. It takes a long time, but it is worth it to be able to finally view oneself and others with lenses that are not tinted by repulsion and fear.
For a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person to
enter into therapy and to begin to do the work necessary to unlearn these irrational beliefs is an act of rebellion. It's like giving society the finger. We're in essence saying: We count! And we're not going to take it any more! This threatens the status quo and may arouse considerable inner turmoil, distress, and a sense of disloyalty. It takes a lot of courage to begin a journey of self-empowerment in therapy when you have grown up believing you deserve to be powerless.
Of course, it is important to select a therapist or clinician with care. From my own experience, word of mouth is usually best. Clinical social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors are all trained to help people with mental health problems. What separates the professions has to do with philosophy, emphasis, scope, and historical roots. Still, even within a single profession, therapists can have different specializations, theoretical orientations, styles, values, beliefs about homosexuality, and degrees of personal healing.
The last item is especially important because if a clinician has not addressed his or her own woundedness (which we all have), then they are going to get in the way of their client's growth and development. On the other hand, if they present themselves as "totally healed" and having all the answers, be wary. Perhaps Scott Peck said it best when he explained in The Road Less Traveled that "a therapist's ability bears very little relationship to any credentials he or she might have. Love and courage and wisdom cannot be certified by academic degrees."
Craig Campbell is a clinical social worker in private practice in Columbus. He welcomes your questions and comments as well as suggestions for future columns.
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